If I Die

My husbands cousin died today, his family is reeling. He was young, and he was the most kind, charismatic young man I have ever know. He was hard working and always brought a smile to peoples faces. In an instant, that was gone. But, with the faith that we have, we know he isnt gone, hes just not HERE. We cant call, we cant write, but we can still remember and with faith, we know we will see him again. His death has got me to thinking about what it would be like if I died tomorrow. And if that were the case, these are things I would want those that TRULY care about me to know.

If I Die

If I die tomorrow, I expect there would be some shock, Please know that on the other side, Im reeling too. I will hurt because I miss you, but I will hurt more knowing that you are hurting and there is nothing I can do about it.

I want you to know that I will be there, waiting, with my arms open and tears running down my face the moment you are there with me. There isnt a force in the world that could keep me from being with you as soon as possible.

I want you to promise that in all your grieving, in all the broken hearted tears, that you will remember the me that ran into doors, the one that pulled a ladder straight into my forehead and put a massive lump there. Remember the me that broke her arm re-enacting George of the Jungle on the shed in the back yard. The one that held a funeral for a mosquito that I squished. I hope that in all your crying, something that I did that was so funny, so ridiculously me just hits you, and you get the giggles until you blow snot bubbles. I want that me to be the one that lives in your memories. Please dont paint me out to be a paragon of virtue either. Remember that I was real. A real pain in the butt, a real opinionated brat, a really, really imperfect person. But also remember that I really tried to be better.

I want you to know that I do believe in eternal families. With every atom in my body, I know that this gospel is true. Follow the prophets, Go to the Temple. Pray--a LOT. Dont sell out your faith because its the thing that pulls you through hard times.

Dont mourn me too long. Dont forget me, but please, live your life to the fullest each day, life is too short to waste it all crying. I dont know if you will miss me for 8 years, or 18....or even 80. but I promise, that all the years we miss apart on earth are only a short span of time compared to the eternities we will have together forever. Live your life to the fullest and bring stories to me so I can laugh with you.

When it comes time to plan the funeral, Please dont pick sad songs. Make the people cry a lot hand out bubbles. And for the love of all that is good in the world, have pizza delivered to my graveside service. Please, make it a celebration of my life instead of somber cry-fest.

Lastly, I want you to miss me on those big days, birthdays, anniversaries, weddings, baptisms, births, ect....but as time goes on, you wont think of me every day, and I promise, thats ok. I want you to be so busy living that you forget about me for days at a time. It doesnt mean you love me less, it just means that you are busy living, and that is so important.



Writing this has been super cathartic to me. I feel that its important to own our mortality and to tell those we love that its ok to mourn us but that its also ok to learn to live again without us. I believe with every ounce of my person that death is not the end. That knowledge gives me hope that I will see my family again, that I will continue being the person I am, no matter what happens. Knowing that I am an eternal being with an eternal family gives me hope and courage that no matter what happens, I am going to be ok. And that, my friends, is something that not even death that sever.