I DO care, I really do...oh, no...actually I really don't.

Every relationship, even one of animosity, requires a level of commitment and action from both parties. You might disagree, but it really is true. Bin Laden was committed to hating Americans, he acted upon it often. On the other hand, Romeo and Juliet loved each other (yes, I KNOW they are fictional characters, but go with it!)and they remained committed through their actions to the end. Most people have a hard time with the lack of relationship, I dont mean the 'I am not dating anyone' type, I mean the type where you are ambivalent of feeling toward that person. Where you have that 'Eh, whatever' type of feeling. There are several people in my life right now that I would prefer not to be in my life. I have tried to quietly cut them out without making waves and yet they persist in stirring the pot. It seems that my attempts at ambivalence are in vain, and that frustrates me. Im tired of caring what the critics think, Im tired of having to be on guard all the time because I dont know what will set someone off. I would love to cut them out of my life to make room for people that care about me as a person, who will be true friends, not 'friends' who are callous in their opinions of me and who think that our 'friendship' is an open license for constant criticism. Ive never been one of those people that everyone just loves. It bothered me once, but I dont care any more. The frank truth is that I would rather have no one in my life than to have all these people who just cause me angst. Ive also yet to figure out why, if all these critics dont like what I say or do or think or be, why do they make so much of an effort to remain in my life instead of accepting things as they are and remaining civil when needed and then politely staying out of my life. I dont think it should have to be this difficult to rid myself of dross friends. I guess the truth is, that I need to practice my ability to be passe. It seems that this is my moment of practice. Wish me luck and may I gain a result that brings me peace of mind and makes things just a little easier to handle.