Sunshine and Summertime

I know, I know....I havent written in FOREVER! this is kinda just an update on how life is going. School is out for the summer, I passed my classes and hope to graduate in May of 2013 and then Im off to...who knows where...(for some still unknown reason, the military thing never did pan out and Im n\not sure why, but I feel ok with it at present.) I am working for Park Co. Weed and Pest as one of their backpack sprayers, so I hike around the county with my crew and spray all kinds of various noxious weeds. Its hard, long, tedious work. It gets hot and there are lots of bugs and snakes and my feet hurt all the time. my skin will be crispy by fall, but I love my work and the people that Im with. I really enjoy seeing all this new country and being outside all the time is a refreshing change from dealing with tourists. I love that I get to be out in Gods Country and get the chance to learn from Him daily. Im kinda torn about taking my heart off the market again...part of me really wants to start dating again, after all, its been three years, more than enough time to heal and move on, which I have. Im ready to try and open up, to trust again, but I feel like every time I do crack that door, my trust is broken again and again. Im starting to wonder if I was just made to be alone, if all this is just a sign that Im not a woman who is good enough for a good man and should just settle or accept the fact that I will be alone. Truth is, thats a hard pill to swallow though...I dont want to be alone anymore and I dont want to keep having to wonder what the heck is so wrong with me that good men run screaming for the hills when the mention of having a relationship with me comes up. (please note however, that I dont need anyone intervening in my love life for me, that just tends to make things SO much worse and I might take issue with that) So, for the moment, my dating life is torn into two parts: Cassie-being-brave-and-trying to trust-men-again and Cassie-being-scared-that-it-and-she-are-not-worth-the-heartache-anymore. Only time will really tell which one wins I guess. Enough of that topic, although it provides a nice segue into my GOALS OF SUMMER 2012 *I want one kiss. Sure, dating someone would be nice, but if I cant have that, Id settle for just one kiss (also been three years, I feel like a kiss would be a gloriously refreshing change.) (also, I refuse to kiss just anyone, picky I know, but after three darn years, Im not just going to kiss the first dude that comes along trying to liplock, Im allowed to be choosy.) *I plan on getting my weight around 125 again, I gained a little bit, and Im not saying Im fat or anything, but I want to FEEL attractive, even if others might not think I am. Also, its easier to wear the jeans I own instead of buying new ones because I packed on a few pounds. *Go to a drive in movie. *Go stargazing and see a shooting star (because I LOVE that!) *Get told that I look beautiful (Not cute, not nice, not hot, I want an attractive man to tell me I look beautiful...haha wishful thinking? Probably lol!) *Figure out how, exactly, to get rid of the raccoon sunburn on my face, haha. *See just how awesome and effective the power of prayer is by how many days I can go at work without seeing a huge snake At the moment thats all I can think of, but if I find more Ill be sure to add them....anyway, this is whats going on in my life. I hope you all are well. Happy summer Y'all!