Im really bad at this game, but there is a lot for me to be thankful for right now.
Im thankful that I have such good parents. Ive been a real pain over the last 18 months and they have been really good to me, taking me in when I had no other place to go, putting up with my emotional roller coasters, loving me when I made it impossible for anyone to do it. They have given me a place to stay, and have never, once, asked for rent. They still love me when I snap at people, or withdraw, or run away for a little while. Im sure they hate the way I act sometimes, but they are really sweet about understanding how Im feeling.
Im thankful for my baby brother Logan, for being the only brother I can count on continually, for being a good kid and not causing my parents any stress. For learning from my mistakes and being a better person that I could ever be. I hope you continue to become the great man I know you can be. I hope that of the 4 of us, you turn out the best, you have had every example of what NOT to do, and I hope you learn well.
Im thankful that I have a car. She may not be the best car on the planet, but she is a reliable (mostly) machine. She has kept me safe in 2 accidents and still runs like a charm. She gives me a safe place when I need to get out. She is super fuel efficient. (I can go between 5 and 6 hundred miles on one tank of gas if I have to. The car payments may be a pain in the butt, but really, Im so glad my desperation listened when everyone was talking me into getting this car. Its one of the best decisions I have ever made.
Im thankful for my bedroom. haha I know...of all the lame things to be thankful for...but I am. I worked hard to make that room what it is. I braved mountains of trash and nastiness to clean it. I had a large hand in the framing of it. I wired it. I hung every long, itchy pink stip of insulation, and I hefted sheet upon sheet of sheet rock. I learned how to tape joints and texture walls, on my own, and when it was all done, I painted it, and laid the carpet down. With very little help. Then I moved all my things in, and I have taken great care in filling it with things that I love. Its quirky, comfortable and soothing. Its not the home that I wish I had, but its my safe place to go. it lets me be alone. (ok, it only has a curtain for a door, so I cant be TOTALLY alone, and I really miss things like praying out loud without offending my brother...but you know what I meant) Im thankful that my room is big enough to hold all my furniture. (I have a bed, cedar chest, 2 large arm chairs, a futon, 2 ottoman storage cubes and a huge ottoman, 2 big book cases, my tv stand, a dresser and a clothes rack to hold all the clothes I have and yet dont really need, and I have a dining room table and chairs. Yep. I have a dining set in my bedroom. Luckily, it all folds pretty flat so it just looks like a side table, but still!)
Im thankful for canned soup. I eat it every day for lunch, even though I dont want to. It nourishes me, and is cheap. I could eat a sandwhich, but Ive found I do way better if I eat something warm.
Im thankful for the beautiful place I live in. I never see it because its dark when I get up and dark when I get home, but I know its beautiful, and I love it.
Im thankful for my married friends, Brian and Kim, Jess and Brent, Ashley and BJ, Aaron and Brittany, Sarah and Clint just to name a few. I appreciate that you are still my friends even though you are married and I am not. Many people stop being my friends after they get married and it makes me sad. You guys remind me that life is hard, but that love does exist. You challenge me to find hope in my life when everything seems to dark to see. You dont think less of me because I dont have an "8 cow" ring, and you certainly dont treat me like I am inferior because I was foolish enough to believe in love for me and it turned out to be a lie. You guys were the ones that were there in the dark days, the ones that included me in your wedding plans but were sensitive to my heart. You were the ones that have listened to me say "I am beyond loving" or "He was my only chance, and I didnt even do anything wrong, but I blew it and Ill never have another chance again" at least a million times, and you still believe its a lie. You were the ones that were there when I cried, and the ones that went to extreme lengths to prove to me that someone still cares. I aspire to be like you.
I am thankful for my engaged friends who have the courage to do what I cannot. To love and to trust whole heartedly. May I someday be so lucky and so brave.
I am thankful for my single friends. For not making me feel like I am the only person on the planet that doesnt have someone to love them. For listening to my dreams and dreaming with me. For being available when I need an outting. For having stupid adventures with me. For being there when I need someone most. For sympathizing when I have creepy guy stories. For celebrating with me when I reach a minor marker in my life. For throwing me a life vest when life threw me out of the engaged boat and into the ocean of misery. So many of you carefully and rather painlessly pulled me back into the single boat and turned it into the party barge. Im having a fun time with you!
I am thankful for good men. For guys who treat me like a lady. For not seeing whatever the monster was that Patrick saw when he left. For proving to me that not all guys are manupulative and controlling. For showing me that not every man is driven by lust. For not telling me I am less than I am. For giving me nice hugs instead of feeling me up like others have. For making me feel safe when I am scared. For being thoughtful and courteous. For being good role models to my brothers. I appreciate every good man that my brothers can look up to. For not dropping me as a friend because my brother is gay. For being the kind of men that every girl wants.
I am thankful for righteous women. For teaching me strength comes from within. For coming out of the woodwork to rally around me last year, you showed me I wasnt alone, Your stories touched me deeply. I feel like a part of a sisterhood full of strong women. I hope I can do what you did. Im thankful for the ladies in my ward that taught me that its not the size of the diamond that matters, but the wisdom in your heart and the character you bear. Thank you for being women I can admire. Thank you for showing me what I want to be.
I am thankful for children because they give me sticky hugs and goofy smiles. Im thankful for the cute things they say and the sweet love they give. I hope that I can be an example to you.
I am thankful for my job. Its not the best, but it is a job. My paycheck is small, but it pays the bills. Im grateful my boss gave me a chance, and I hope its been worth it. Im grateful for Liz for being such a great trainer and to the service guys. They are very patient with me, and I appreciate that. Im grateful that Wade is LDS, because I know that if anything happens to me, there is a priesthood holder nearby. Im grateful that they accepted me into their tight knit group and have made me feel welcome. I am also thankful for Pete, who came over yesterday and made my computer run faster than turtles.
I am thankful for my education, I may have dropped out of college, but the experiences and the lessons learned were worth every penny. I now know what I want to do in life because of college. It will take a lot of hard work, but Im hopeful I can do it!
I am thankful for my best friends Cat, Jess, Julie, Kyle, Brian and Kim, Ray, Dustin, Sarah. I love you guys! you make my life worth it! Cat, you listen to my stories when you have better things to do! Jess, you make me laugh (cervix! haha!) you are always there and you are one of the most beautiful people I know, Julie, I wish I were as amazing as you! You are one of the coolest people I know! Brian and Kim, you are always there for me. You are the BEST! seriously...no other person on the planet does what you do for me and I wouldnt be the person I am without you. Your baby has the best mom and dad on the planet, and I cant wait to meet your raspberry! Ray, Thank you for bringing out the girl in me. I can always count on you and I love that. Thank you for liking your steak cooked better than Kyle and I do, and for giving me the heart of the steak when its just too bloody for you. Thank you for understanding drunken campfire songs. Thank you for finding the great pumpkin as funny as I do. Dustin, Thanks for letting me be a fat kid. Thanks for letting me get you Naked, and more importantly, thanks for getting grandma Naked, I know she appreciated that. Thanks for not giving up on me. Sarah, Thanks for everything you do! You are such a great woman! You make me laugh, and you have a heart of gold! And lastly, Kyle, You are such a great guy! You pulled me out of the dark places I was in, you taught me to trust again. You took the time to know the real me, and then you stayed, which not many people do. Thank you for encouraging me, for making me laugh, Thank you for reminding me of the beauty in the world. Thank you for knowing just what to say. For taking me up in the mountains, for not yelling when we landed in that puddle and were stuck under your bike. For having blood that mosquitoes like more than they like mine. Thank you for your Kyle-isms, Im still laughing over the grapefruit conversation. Thank you for being dependable, you are the one person on the planet I trust with my life. Thank you for asking my opinions, for having intelligent conversations with me and for sometimes just being silly. Thank you for letting me kidnap you, steal your artwork and french kiss your dog. I promise none of them will become a habit.
Sorry this is such a long post, but I really needed to write the good things in my life. Things have just been super hard the last few days, and I needed to remember what I have. I swear, if you are still reading, I am almost done!
I am SO infinitely greatful for my Savior! He promised to walk with me where no one would go. He promised to dry my tears when there was no one else around, and He promised to make me more than I am. And He has. What an amazing thing! I only hope that I can live up to the potential you see in me.
Finally, I am thankful for you. For reading my posts. For your friendship. For being one of the many amazing people in my life. Thank you for your continued support and love.
'Friends are the spice that take life from bland to savory.'
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